I don't know where to start but here it goes. He's my polar opposite...not in those common ways where one person likes rap the other likes rock, or i like white and he likes black, it's not even like that. It surprises me up till now how me and him think so differently but still reach the same conclusion. He talks about the world in the big picture while I talk about the inbetweens. To sum it up, he's the reason and i'm the meaning, if that makes any sense at all? I get this constant feeling that he's my other half that having him around makes me complete and yet I dont have that giddy school girl crush on him, I don't like him but then I do. I'm confused. Should I believe in gut feelings? There's so many things I wish could happen yet I dont know how to go around them, I get this feeling where I want things to happen yet I'm totally content. That not spending everyday with him makes spending those once in a while's even more important, but the thing is I don't know how he feels nor do I want to ask. I'm more of trying to find the answer through actions or glances, which is possible right? Sometimes there's just obvious hints other times it's just reading between the lines. I used to analyze everything but I learned that it's not that I think too much is just I notice things, and noticing is a whole different thing. But how is it that I feel like we are more then friends yet less than lovers?

I'm sure most are familiar with the unwritten rule. The rule where if a friend likes a person he or she is off limits. It's like I feel it's stupid. In all honesty I think its all between the friends. The guy in question should be able to choose because there's potential. What if you are that one person that stops them from being together in what could make them soulmates right? Sounds cliche but it's just there will always be jealousy. There will be resentment, unexpressed anger and its not good. Someone will get hurt no matter what scenario. The friend who lets them be together or both that decide to walk away, the guy who wants but cant have because of the rule. There's like a mini competition and winner takes all.

I watched a movie and it said..."you can't build your happiness out of the unhappiness of another person." Ugh it's confusing...you can wait it out till one moves on, but then what if the guy moves on, or what if you move on? It's crazy. Love isn't fair.

I've come to realize a few things after my encounter with him today during lunch. It's silly I haven't even thought of the time we kissed or anything up til now. I can't even explain how we talk to each other, it's like we're comfortable but don't act like we would around our usual friends, like the way we act around each other morphs in to something different. Supposedly this is suppose to be good but really, it's just an observation and nothing more. For some reason, everytime we are around each other, the mood in the air changes, sometimes I wonder if it's just me thinking this but maybe there I'm on to something. We seriously never have anything to talk about except something obvious to talk about, but then when it comes to him it's like I could talk to him about anything. Like, I'm not afraid of telling him things about life, secrets, and whatevers on my mind I want him to know. He usually ends up talking about himself but mostly because I ask him. After today, I didn't think of him much anymore, I was hoping to let go and forget and it upset my heart greatly.

One GREAT thing I realized was something that put me at ease and forever will...it's that even though we barely hang out, we barely talk anymore, we barely see each other, we're closer than we think. We shared moments that even though were few let us know who each other are, how many people can say he painted his room purple? That he traveled the world? That he wanted to be a pilot, but also wanted to do business? The he was totally obsessed with StarWars and Angelina Jolie? That he gets cold easily? That he doesn't like light all the time and he'd prefer sleeping on his comfy couch in his garage? That he pays attention to detail and notices things like, watching the oscars he can tell if a guy is off tempo? That he loves crunch? That maybe somewhere, though he may never really seem like it, he's a hopeless romantic...? I may not know much of what goes on in his life or who he hangs out with, or how his day goes but I've got to start somewhere right?

And that somehow, although we've drifted I have something most girls dream to have had. It's also funny how much I can know about him and the surprised look on people's faces when they see how much I know about him. How even for a moment in time we had our own secret, something between us no one really knows...I hurt now but really it was all like a dream and the funny thing is, is that it happened in real life, and like all dreams they end at somepoint and I blame the person who opened the door waking me up from my dream and I hate how it isn't like those other dreams where you can just go back to sleep and continue it. So that's the thing about living a dream...if it ends it ends.